Today we welcome explorer Wesley Wyndham Carstairs to tell us all about his latest bestseller which takes us on a thrilling journey along the Amazon river. Good morning Wesley!
Thanks Liz, I am certainly glad to be here in this air conditioned, soft seating, coffee on hand, fresh juice bar just around the corner and hot and cold taxis on tap…
Yes, but back to the Amazon. What made you want to undertake this trip? What inspired you?
The Amazon has always been on the old bucket list, so I decided on the spur of the minute. I was also trying to avoid a certain young lady's mother and as she has proven to be an expert at tracking one down - damn those downloadable mobile smart phones apps with Google earth - but I digress. I heard the siren call of the travel goddess and set off with only a backpack and a GPS and a new invention of mine that required testing under scrupulous conditions. It can tell you the time, place, weather conditions, the latest news on the Kardashians, who survived kitchen makeovers at first sight, the latest limited overs in fashion trends for spring and the latest odds for the royals remaining relevant.
It is! The Times newspaper called it, and I quote, "an excellent investment".
You found the Times in the Amazon rainforest?
Of course not. I took it with me; came in mighty handy for squatting all those mosquitos and other annoying pests.
And for starting fires?
No, that wasn't me. They couldn't prove a thing. But things got a little too hot for me to handle, so I decided to head off and it was there that I found it! My Secret Place! That's the title of my book, great value at only Fifty-Nine Guatemalan Quetzals.
But your secret place will not be so secret now when your book hits the shelves.
Yes, it will actually.
How come? Don't you disclose where this secret place is?
I do, but I haven't got a publisher yet, I've had to self fund it.
I see, so how many copies are available?
Five! Five copies? Are you hoping that somehow an illustrious publisher will chance upon on of those five copies and long to publish it?
Well Liz, that was before I invented something the intrepid traveller slash explorer will really covet. Guaranteed to take them out of their comfort zone. The Carstairs convertible and combined compass, corn peeler, currency converter and compact!
Compact? As in face powder compact? Is that really necessary in a rainforest?
Oh yes, the Ombombgu love face powder, it helps distract them from the fact they are not getting award wages for guidance through the jungles. Who knew there was a limit to what they can carry?
But compasses have been around for hundreds of years. What makes yours so special?
It works upside down. While I thought I was still in the Amazon, turns out I was in Guatemala. But it was heaven and thereby became my secret place! The natives were the Onomatopoea tribe, friendlier than those of the Amazon, at least you can hear the little bleeders creeping up behind you! I was right set until the natives I engaged left for short contracts to dig long drops for Celebrity Survivor who unfortunately had also discovered my secret place.
Well this has been .. very enlightening. Wesley Wyndham Carstairs, we can barely wait for the next instalment. Where else will you be appearing?
Celebrity Survivor of course. Can I count on your vote?